Starting preschool is a significant milestone in a child’s life. While some children adapt quickly, many experience periods of anxiety around separating from parents. If your little one has suddenly started crying during drop-offs after initially doing well, you’re not alone—this pattern is actually quite common and understanding why it happens can help both of you navigate this transition.
A Parent’s Concern
“When my 3-year-old first started preschool a few weeks ago, everything seemed fine. He would happily wave goodbye and join his classmates without any fuss. But suddenly, this past week, he’s been clinging to me and bursting into tears whenever it’s time for me to leave. I’m really puzzled by this change—why is he only now getting upset about drop-offs? I thought we were past this hurdle since he adjusted so well initially. Now our mornings have become stressful for both of us, and I’m worried about leaving him in such a distressed state. Is this normal? And what can I do to make this transition easier for him?”
Our Parenting Advice
What many parents don’t realize is that delayed separation anxiety at preschool is actually very common—so common, in fact, that early childhood educators have a name for it: “the honeymoon period.”
Understanding the Honeymoon Period
When children first start preschool, several factors can temporarily mask separation anxiety:
- The novelty and excitement of a new environment with new toys and activities
- Not fully understanding that preschool is a permanent arrangement
- Being distracted by all the stimulation around them
After a few weeks, reality sets in. Your child realizes:
- This new routine is here to stay
- You will be leaving them regularly
- The initial excitement has worn off, revealing underlying anxieties
This realization often triggers the tears and clinginess that parents find surprising after initial smooth drop-offs. The good news is that this phase is completely normal and typically temporary.
Creating Consistent Drop-Off Routines
Children thrive on predictability, especially during times of transition. A consistent routine signals to your child’s developing brain that even though separation happens, reunion is guaranteed.
Try establishing a simple, repeatable goodbye ritual:
- Use the same farewell words each time (“See you after snack time!”)
- Create a special goodbye gesture (a specific high-five, two kisses and a hug)
- Keep goodbyes brief and positive—lingering often prolongs distress
- Never sneak away without saying goodbye, as this can increase anxiety
After establishing your routine, follow through consistently, even if your child becomes upset. This consistency actually helps them feel secure despite their momentary distress.
Preparing Your Child for Separation
While it might seem counterintuitive, talking about separation before it happens can reduce anxiety:
- Read books about preschool and separation the night before or during breakfast
- Talk positively about what they’ll do at school that day
- Remind them of the fun they had the previous day
- Discuss who will pick them up and when in concrete terms they understand
For younger preschoolers, consider bringing a comfort item from home (if allowed by the school)—a small photo of the family or a pocket-sized stuffed toy can provide emotional support throughout the day.
Partnering with Teachers
Your child’s teachers have seen this pattern countless times and can be valuable allies:
- Inform teachers about any changes at home that might contribute to anxiety
- Ask how your child does after you leave (most children stop crying within minutes)
- Request that teachers engage your child in a favourite activity immediately after drop-off
- Consider arranging a brief check-in call later in the morning for your peace of mind
Remember that teachers are professionals who know how to comfort children and redirect their attention effectively. Trust their expertise while keeping communication open.
A Few Kind Reminders
Your child’s tears during drop-off don’t mean they’re unhappy at school or that you’re doing something wrong as a parent. In fact, these emotions often indicate a healthy attachment—your child misses you because they love you.
Try to maintain your own composure during drop-offs, as children are highly attuned to parental emotions. If you appear anxious or guilty, it signals to your child that there might be something to worry about. A calm, confident demeanour communicates that school is a safe place where they can thrive.
Most importantly, celebrate the growth happening during this transition. Your child is developing independence, building trust in other adults, and learning that they can manage difficult feelings—all crucial life skills that will serve them well beyond preschool.
Get Involved!
- What morning routines have helped make your preschool drop-offs smoother?
- Did your child experience a delayed reaction to starting preschool? How did you handle it?
- What comfort items or special goodbye rituals work best for your little one?
